If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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