After last night, I could never be a politician.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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