Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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