Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
