from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
