The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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