Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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