i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
