Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
