I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
