His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize