What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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