If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
