it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
