Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize