I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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