Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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