what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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