Nicole vs. Life
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The air taste purple.
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