i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
