This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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