god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
