I cockslap morals
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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