it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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