It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
