did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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