Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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