it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
