My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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