it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
