worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
