I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i think i just lost a toe
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
