Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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