I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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