awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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