apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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