i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
