pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
