Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
