check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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