apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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