Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
