this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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