oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
