margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
