I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
