So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
