Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize