I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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