Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize