I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
