I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
