I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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