Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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