It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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