Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
