your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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