On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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