I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize