There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
