We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
