nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize