Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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