Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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