that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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