i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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