did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize